$11,000,000. That’s what three federal agencies paid Brown University researchers to watch monkeys play a video game based on The Price is Right. The grants are real. The monkeys are real. The bill is yours.
Researchers screwed metal headposts into the monkeys’ skulls to keep them still, then tracked their eye movements as they tapped buttons to predict where a ball would drop. The study ran for years. Multiple grant renewals. Zero interruptions.
The groundbreaking conclusion? Monkeys are good at Plinko.
The Department of Defense, the NIH, and the National Science Foundation all signed off. Nobody asked why the Pentagon was funding game show research. The money just moved — the way it always does.
$11 million = 220 Louisiana teacher salaries. They chose the monkeys.
This isn’t an isolated incident. The GAO confirmed the federal government made approximately $162 billion in improper payments in 2024 alone across 68 programs. The monkey study isn’t the exception. It’s Tuesday.
While you’re watching grocery prices climb, three federal agencies pooled $11 million to bolt headgear onto primates and study their Plinko instincts.
The grants are in the public record. They counted on you not looking.
What’s the most ridiculous government waste you’ve seen? Drop it below — best ones become next week’s story.